About Me

Lorinda Shaw

I am a New Zealand registered clinical psychologist. I was born and raised in South Otago, living on a farm for much of that time. My siblings and I were free-range kids who learned our physical limits early on, along with the importance and comfort of having each other’s backs. I learned that the farm animals have to be fed first, especially when they have babies!

I see myself as a quieter person who likes to reflect deeply on psychological matters. It is important to me to be present, caring, and empathic with my clients, especially parents. I am genuinely grateful for the privilege of my work. When I’m not in my office, you’ll invariably find me enjoying a good book or a period drama movie. I also get enormous enjoyment from my flower garden, my friends, and my chef husband’s lovingly prepared meals. I currently live in the beautiful Nelson area, where I enjoy the beaches and the cycle trails.

My journey as a mother and as a mother’s Psychologist

I believe I was led to help mothers because of the early death of my own mother when she was 47 years old, and I was just 24. She was a good mother, and I felt her loss throughout my parenting journey. She never got to meet my two daughters, and I am aware that my girls missed out on a caring and wise grandmother. Although I had great support from my husband and my in-laws, what I wanted and needed was my own mother. Sadly, my mother also lost her mother while she was pregnant with me. I have come to a profound understanding of the impact of intergenerational grief on parents and children.

My two girls are now independent adults. As a mother, I have been good at some things and not so good at other things. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been a better parent at some stages of their lives than at others.

I've noticed I'm someone who often finds it easier to "do" rather than "be". I was sometimes the mother who let things slide too long, then had to deal with the consequences of that. At other times, like many of us, I was over-involved, when backing off would have been more helpful.

I fully realise that I am not my girls’ father and that he brings a different set of skills and energy. I have huge empathy then, for parents who are genuinely doing their best and also wishing they could do better at times. I understand the struggle. I am aiming for real parenting, not ideal parenting.

As my children were growing up, I was also developing as a Clinical Psychologist, working part-time. I was drawn to specialising in treating mothers with anxiety and depression, who had young children the same age as mine. We talked about every aspect of parenting, and I spoke to both mothers and fathers. I find myself at the stage of life where I can now be a source of wisdom for other parents, which I wish I had had for myself when I was a young parent. My strong motivation and desire then is to share this wisdom more widely. Wisdom gathered from all those parents, from all that work, along with my personal, hard-won wisdom as a mother.